One complaint I hear again and again from travelers who have visited France is that the French are, at best, not very friendly, and at worst, downright nasty misanthropes. I have to admit there’s a grain of truth to this, and I’ve run into my own share of unfriendly encounters over dozens of trips to France.
But I have two pieces of good news about this:
- The French are rude not just to foreigners from any one place, but to anyone who isn’t French. Take Netflix’s Emily in Paris, for example: a good chunk of its comedy comes from the American heroine getting treated, again and again, to shockingly misanthropic French behavior.
- Not every French person is “unfriendly.” In truth, most of them are lovely people who genuinely like to help. You just need to know how to behave and how to talk to them.
Over my many trips to France, I’ve learned that the French have a very particular code of conduct, and if you stick to it, you’ll see their charming side (if you don’t, well, good luck). In this article I’ll walk you through some tips and insights I’ve picked up over the years. Every one of them will help you not just avoid annoying the French, but also get better service at restaurants, shops, and anywhere else you run into the locals.
Be polite (bonjour is not a dirty word)
If someone asked me for just one tip on how to behave in Paris, I’d say: want good treatment? First, say hello with a small smile and a few polite words (preferably in French). That alone works wonders, turning most French people into charming hosts as if by magic wand (though once they hit the beach on vacation, that’s another story).
All the tips that follow are certainly important, but without this basic courtesy, nothing else will help.
How to order at a restaurant without annoying the waiter
Restrooms
A restaurant or café is not a public restroom. True, if you sneak into a busy café during the rush, you might get away with using the bathroom without the waiters noticing. But there’s a real chance that a waiter who catches you on your way to the restroom will simply throw you out.
What’s the solution? Simple. Order something small (like a coffee), then head to the restroom at your leisure.
Ordering something small? Sit outside
If you’ve stopped into a café for a quick drink and plan to leave, never sit down at a table set for a full meal (unless you want the waiter to sic the dogs on you).
Instead, sit at one of the small tables that are usually at the front of the restaurant or café.
Only order when you’re sure what you want
If the waiter asks whether you’re ready to order, say “yes” only if everyone at the table knows exactly what they want. Any sign of hesitation from one person will make the French waiter roll his eyes to the heavens, silently wish you all a slow and painful death, and vanish for twenty minutes while you try in vain to catch his attention.
Don’t try to teach the waiter or the chef how to do their job (a tip from Ran Vardi)
When you come in as a customer, your job is to sit down, order, relax, and enjoy yourself, not to critique the food or the service. The waiter’s job is to serve you, that’s his job, not yours. The chef’s job is to cook for you, that’s his job, not yours. If you try to teach the waiter his job, or comment on the chef’s work through him, you’ll probably get scolded.
Want better service? Go back to the same restaurant again and again (a tip from Ran Vardi)
Restaurant owners in Paris like to say: “The first time you walk into my restaurant, you’re a stranger. The second time, you’re a guest. The third time, you’re part of our family.” That sentence sums up a lot about the service experience in French restaurants, which can be confusing if you don’t understand the culture behind it.
Once you become a regular, the attitude changes. When the staff knows you, you become part of the extended family. There are still bistros in Paris with small drawers where regulars keep their own cloth napkins for next time. Bottom line: want to be treated like family? Go back again and again to a restaurant you loved, and become a regular, instead of staying a stranger at a different new restaurant every time.
Looking for restaurant recommendations in Paris?
Now that you know how to behave, it’s time to tell you that I’ve put together a list of recommended restaurants, which I update every time I visit Paris. So if you’re looking for places that aren’t fancy (or Michelin-starred), but have a great atmosphere, fair prices, and above all, delicious food, check out the recommended restaurants page on my site.
What shouldn’t you do in Paris shops?
It’s okay to (politely) say it’s your turn
The boulangerie is one of the few places where the French actually keep order in line. But sometimes the person behind the counter skips someone and starts serving the next person. If that happens to you, it’s perfectly fine to tell her that it’s actually your turn (in French: en fait, c’est moi).
If you’re the one who got served ahead of the person who was actually first, it’s a good idea to point out to the seller that the person before you should be served. If you don’t, and that person complains, your order will get set aside while they deal with the complaint, which creates confusion at the register and turns the staff, in an instant, into fire-breathing misanthropes.
You need to know how to deliver bad news
There’s a great way to annoy the French even if you stand in line completely passively with a polite, patient smile on your face. If you reach the cashier and she tells you she’s closing her register right after you for her lunch break, it falls on you to deliver the bad news to the people behind you, especially anyone who joins the line after.
It’s a classic lose-lose situation. Tell the French person behind you that the register is closing, and they’ll treat you the way most people treat bearers of bad news. Don’t tell them, and you’ll get looks that could kill from the people behind you the moment the cashier, having finished with you, heads off for her lunch break.
Hotel tips
What to do if your room isn’t bright enough or is noisy?
There’s no point complaining that your room isn’t bright enough or is too noisy. Just ask in advance for a room on one of the upper floors, and you’ll solve both problems.
Don’t leave bikes in the stairwell
If you’re renting an apartment and also renting bikes, never leave the bikes in the stairwell. Do it anyway, and at best you’ll get a furious note in the finest passive-aggressive French, written by a neighbor who’s lived in the building for 40 years, and if he’s not too old, there’s a chance he’ll also let the air out of your tires…
And speaking of hotels and vacation rentals
If you’re looking for a place to stay in Paris, let me recommend the following articles:
If you have more tips on this topic, feel free to leave a comment and share them with all of us.
Have a great trip!
And speaking of having a great trip…
If you’re planning a trip to Paris, I highly recommend checking out the Paris travel guide on the site. You’ll find information there on 99% of what you need (flights, hotels, monuments, museums, walking itineraries, and more).
If you’re traveling to another region of France, feel free to check out the France travel guide for information on quite a few popular regions, such as Brittany, Provence, Dordogne, and more.
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