Even though the kings of France were among the most powerful monarchs in Europe, political necessity still forced them to marry, against their will, some of the ugliest brides in history. Louis XIV, for example, had to marry Maria Theresa, daughter of King Philip IV of Spain, about whom the kindest thing one could say was that, compared to other Habsburg princesses, she was at least not genetically deformed.
When Louis XIV met the princess in Saint-Jean-de-Luz, it was the first time he had ever laid eyes on her, and he was in for quite a surprise: standing before him was a short, plump woman who reeked strongly of garlic. Even so, the king of France kept his composure and, to the princess’s surprise, insisted on consummating the marriage that very same day in the royal bed.
Would the fate of Louis XIV’s son be the same as his father’s?
Louis XIV wanted to spare his son, who was also named Louis, the unpleasant surprise he himself had experienced. When he decided in 1680 to marry him off, for political reasons, to Maria Anna Victoria of Bavaria, he sent his ambassador to the German states, Croissy, to “inspect the merchandise.”
The ambassador’s report was fairly positive, but a bit vague. According to him, the princess had no visible flaws except for brown spots on her forehead, rough skin, red hands, rotten teeth, and a massive nose. Louis XIV, growing suspicious, sent a portrait painter to Bavaria with a clear instruction: paint her as realistically as possible. A few months later, the painting arrived at Versailles, and the whole royal family gathered to look at the portrait and weigh in.
Based on the painting, the princess looked “presentable,” and the king was about to invite her to Versailles. But then a note from the ambassador turned up, claiming that the resemblance between the painting and the original was purely coincidental, and that the painter’s interpretation of the princess’s nose had been, let’s say, somewhat creative.
The plot takes a surprising turn
Even though the political negotiations were already well underway, Louis XIV took pity on his son and was willing to call off the marriage, despite all the political damage that would cause. But to everyone’s surprise, it was his son who insisted on marrying the Bavarian princess. The reason was his own attraction to unattractive women: as far as he was concerned, the uglier the princess, the better.
When the princess arrived at Versailles, it turned out that Croissy hadn’t exaggerated about the nose at all. Still, the Dauphin was so pleased with what he saw that he insisted on marrying the princess right away. The marriage between the Dauphin and Maria Anna turned out to be a happy one, and the princess bore him three sons. Sadly for the Dauphin, the marriage didn’t last long, and the princess died in 1690.
To cope with the loss, the Dauphin took as his mistress Mademoiselle de Choin, who had been the ugliest lady-in-waiting of his late wife, and with whom he lived happily until his death. She was a massive woman with an enormous mouth, sagging breasts, and, of course… a gigantic nose.
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