If the Bible had been written by a Frenchman, the first commandment would have been “Thou shalt eat at least three meals a day,” and the Book of Deuteronomy would surely have turned into a cookbook. The French devote a good chunk of their lives to eating and thinking about food, so it’s no surprise that over the years they built an entire etiquette around how to behave at the table. The rules have piled up over the centuries and filled whole books, so in this post, let me bring you the most important ones: a kind of Ten Commandments for the French meal.
1. At a meal, guests should be seated alternating by gender: man, woman, man, woman, and so on.
2. At a restaurant, the woman always sits with her back to the wall. That way you can be sure the man will only see his companion in front of him, and won’t be able to glance at other women.
3. The woman always orders first, and the man doesn’t start eating before the woman’s first bite.
4. On the other hand, the wine is poured for the man first, and he is the one who tastes it, to make sure there are no bits of cork floating in it.
5. It’s fine, even encouraged, to talk about food during the meal, except about the food you’re actually eating (unless you’re at a restaurant, in which case you’re allowed to ask your table neighbor what they think of their dish).
6. Never cut the lettuce while eating a salad. The reason goes back to a time when knives were made of iron, and the vinaigrette would give the lettuce a metallic taste.
7. A salad without dressing is just a pile of vegetables. The dressing should be added in the final seconds before serving, so the salad doesn’t get soggy.
8. Oysters are eaten only in months that contain the letter “r” (for example, September, November, and so on). The reason is that in the summer months the water is too warm, which makes it harder to keep the oysters properly chilled. Try to be clever and order oysters in Paris in August, and you should be prepared to spend the rest of your trip in the bathroom.
9. Never place a loaf of bread upside down on the table: it’s bad luck. The same goes for crossed knives, which symbolize an argument (especially don’t leave crossed knives in the sink, or you’ll start a fight over who does the dishes).
10. Just because something smells like a corpse or cow manure doesn’t mean it isn’t delicious. Often the most foul-smelling foods taste like heaven, and Livarot cheese is proof of that: it’s considered both one of the smelliest cheeses in the world and a French delicacy. So if someone offers you a sausage or an especially ripe cheese, try holding your nose and just tasting it: you might be pleasantly surprised. And if the surprise isn’t pleasant, remember, in France it’s customary to spit it out to your right…